1.       Immediately forward it to someone else.  Preferably someone with “Coordinator” or “Analyst” in their title.

2.       Schedule a meeting to discuss the questionnaire.  Then cancel it.  Twice.

3.       Create a task force.  Their sole purpose: to interpret the meaning of “accountability.”

4.       Rebrand the questionnaire.  Call it a “Strategic Alignment Opportunity Matrix.”

5.       Answer every question with “It depends.” Bonus points for adding footnotes.

6.       Use buzzwords liberally.  “Synergy,” “scalability,” and “cross-functional leverage” are your friends.

7.       Blame the previous Manager.  Even if that was you.

8.       Request clarification on every question.  Preferably in a 12-slide PowerPoint.

9.       Outsource the answers to a consultant.  Pay them triple your annual salary.

10.   Add a disclaimer.  “Responses are non-binding and subject to quarterly mood swings.”

11.   Include a pie chart.  It doesn’t have to be relevant.  Just colorful.

12.   Mark it “Confidential.” Then accidentally reply-all.

13.   Use passive voice.  “Mistakes were made.” “Decisions were considered.” “Accountability was explored.”

14.   Attach unrelated documents.  Like last year’s holiday party budget.

15.   Claim you’re piloting a new accountability framework.  It’s still in beta.  Forever.

16.   Ask if this is part of your performance review.  Then pretend your camera froze.

17.   Submit it late.  But include a cover letter about your commitment to timeliness.

18.   Add a quote from a famous leader.  Preferably, one who has never filled out a questionnaire.

19.   Suggest replacing the questionnaire with a team-building retreat.  In Napa.

20.   Finally, file it under “To Be Revisited.” Right next to your 2020 strategic plan.