Dan J. Harkey

Educator & Private Money Lending Consultant

Temperance: The Virtue of Self-Control

Temperance is one of the classical cardinal virtues, often defined as moderation in action, thought, or feeling. It involves: Self-restraint, balance, and discipline.

by Dan J. Harkey

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1. Temperance: The Virtue of Self-Control

Temperance is one of the classical cardinal virtues, often defined as moderation in action, thought, or feeling. It involves:

  • Self-restraint: Avoiding excess, especially in desires and appetites.
  • Balance: Maintaining equilibrium between extremes.
  • Discipline: Cultivating habits that promote long-term well-being over short-term gratification.

In modern terms, temperance can be seen as emotional intelligence—knowing when to speak, when to act, and when to hold back. It’s not suppression, but thoughtful regulation.

2. Judgment of Others: A Moral and Social Dilemma

Judging others is a natural human tendency, but it raises ethical questions:

  • Why do we judge? Often, we need to protect ourselves, assert our values, or make sense of the world.
  • Is it fair? Judgment can be biased, uninformed, or rooted in personal insecurities.
  • What’s the alternative? Empathy, curiosity, and humility can replace judgment with understanding.

3. The Intersection: Temperance in Judgment

Practicing temperance in how we judge others means:

  • Pausing before reacting: Giving space for reflection rather than impulsive criticism.
  • Seeking context: Understanding someone’s background, struggles, or intentions.
  • Choosing compassion: Temperance encourages us to temper our judgments with grace.

4. A Thoughtful Quote

“Temperance is not about denying yourself; it’s about knowing yourself. And when you know yourself, you judge others less harshly.” — Unknown.

Practicing temperance daily is about cultivating mindfulness, discipline, and intentionality in your thoughts, actions, and interactions. Here are some practical ways to integrate temperance into your everyday life:

5. Start with Self-Awareness

  • Morning reflection: Begin your day with a few minutes of quiet reflection or journaling. Ask yourself: What do I want to be mindful of today?
  • Recognize triggers: Notice situations where you tend to overreact, overindulge, or speak impulsively.

6. Practice Moderation

  • Food and drink: Choose balance over excess. Eat slowly, savor your meals, and avoid overconsumption.
  • Technology uses: Set boundaries for screen time, social media, and digital distractions.
  • Spending habits: Be intentional with purchases. Ask: Do I need this, or am I reacting emotionally?

7. Cultivate Emotional Temperance

  • Pause before reacting: When emotions rise, take a breath. Respond, don’t react.
  • Use “I” statements: Communicate feelings without blame. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when…” instead of “You always…”
  • Forgive quickly: Let go of grudges. Temperance includes letting go of the need to judge or retaliate.

8. Be Temperate in Speech

  • Speak less, listen more: Practice active listening. Let others finish before responding.
  • Avoid gossip or harsh criticism: Choose words that build up rather than tear down.
  • Ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

9. End the Day with Reflection

  • Evening review: Ask yourself:
    • Where did I show restraint today?
    • Where could I have been more temperate?
    • What will I do differently tomorrow?

10. Anchor in a Guiding Principle

You might adopt a personal mantra like:

“I choose balance over impulse. I respond with wisdom, not reaction.”